Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Where's my map?

I knew it would happen but knowing something is going to happen doesn't always make it easier to deal with.
We've been away for a month. Living in our personal version of paradise. A beautiful English country cottage, in the middle of nowhere surrounded by farm land and not much else. We woke up to horses grazing 15 meters from our windows, got stuck on the driveway as a farmer herded sheep from one paddock to another, the kids slept better than ever and we were living clutter free.

Now we are home. The neighbours are noisy, the kids are not sleeping and the closest we come to a horse is the unicorn pillow pet in the toy room. I'm not going to even start on the clutter.

Settling back into reality is hard. It's being made even harder however by the long list of things I need to do in order to get us back to paradise. I'm lost! I honestly don't know where to start, if I should start and if not how long I should wait before I start.

Let me explain....

I need to get my drivers license. Yes I am 31 years old and without a drivers license. I have my reasons. It scares me, well other drivers scare me. I'm actually more confident and comfortable when I'm driving than when someone else is driving me now so the situation is improving. The other issue is I dread the actual test. I get nervous and I know I'm going to panic and screw it up. I have until September though as that's when my permit expires - I won't mention how long I've had this one - and I'm determined to get it done.

That is first on my list but after that I'm not sure.

I also need to learn Hungarian. Weird choice you may say but again I have my reasons. My dad is Hungarian so I'm able to claim Hungarian citizenship and therefore a Hungarian passport which will make me a member of the European Union but only if I'm fluent in Hungarian. Having Hungarian citizenship will make it a LOT easier to enter the UK as EU members have no restrictions - yet commonwealth nation citizens have to jump through hoops - meaning when we are ready we can pack our bags and just go.
I'm going to try and teach myself mainly with help from my dad and some online forums I've found so financially this shouldn't hurt the bank.
I also suspect it may take me some time so do I concentrate solely on that until I'm fluent or do I attempt to learn a language while studying something else?

Which brings me to the last major thing on my list, study. I want to do a business management course and maybe hospitality management also. I'm thinking of throwing in a barristers course some time too. All of this will help me get a job both here in Oz and in the UK so it will be worth the outlay but do I start now, wait till next year, learn Hungarian first, wait till we have some savings in the bank again - because right now we are broke as broke can be - where is my road map to life to tell me where to go?

It's not the first time I've felt lost. Being an adult is one big maze and whoever was meant to give me my map didn't turn up to my 18th birthday. Until now though I've never felt a sense of urgency, never felt like I had a time limit.
It's mostly self imposed. We want to wait till both kids are in school full time so we have three years and we'd like to hit as close to that time frame as possible. I just feel like I'm getting old, running out of time to realise my dreams. In three years time I'll be 34. It's not old but if we don't make it in three years then when we do I will be old.

I actually think I'm having a midlife crisis! Has anyone else felt like this at 30?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

No comments:

Post a Comment